The Pillars of Confidence: What Makes Men Confident

By Josh Holyfield

Confidence is a trait admired and sought after by many. It's a quality that can open doors, create opportunities, and lead to success in various aspects of life. But what exactly gives a man confidence? What are the signs that a man is confident? And why is a confident man attractive? In this article, we delve into these questions and explore the pillars of confidence in men.

What Gives a Man Confidence?

Confidence in men is often derived from a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. According to the book "Be The Man: How to Reclaim Your Confidence & Win the War Against Mediocrity", when a man invests in his body, mind, and spirit and starts seeing the return on those investments, he becomes more proud of who he is as a man. This pride translates into confidence because he knows the struggles, challenges, obstacles, and pain he had to undergo to achieve his goals.

Moreover, a man's confidence is also built on the consistency of creating discipline. The more consistent a man is in maintaining discipline, the more confident he becomes in his ability to do so in the future. This consistency in action and discipline is a significant pillar of confidence.

Signs That a Man is Confident

A confident man stands in a place of integrity. He genuinely believes in what he says and lives by the lessons he teaches. This unshakeable conviction in his words and actions is a clear sign of confidence. People have strong instincts, and their ability to discern authenticity is often accurate. If a man truly believes in his message and backs it up with action 100% of the time, he exudes confidence.

Another sign of a confident man is his ability to separate his feelings from his identity. He understands that his emotions and mental conditions do not define who he is. Instead, his actions define him. He can rise above his feelings, understand that emotional shifts are due to external stimuli, and make decisive, logical decisions on how to improve, optimize, or enhance his life. This ability to master his mind through stoicism and mental fortitude is a clear sign of confidence.

What Makes a Confident Man Attractive?

Confidence in a man is attractive because it signifies strength, capability, and reliability. A confident man takes pride in his appearance and achievements, which can be appealing. He feels good about himself and exudes a positive energy that others find attractive. He makes purchases based on how they will enhance his life and how the world will perceive him. This sense of self-assuredness and the ability to make decisive choices are attractive traits.

Moreover, a confident man stands in a place of true integrity with himself. He doesn't seek validation from others but finds it within himself through his actions and achievements. This self-reliance and independence are attractive qualities that draw people towards him.

Why Do Men Lack Confidence?

Men may lack confidence due to a lack of fulfillment in their lives, which often stems from a lack of purpose. When a man is not actively solving problems or achieving his goals, he may struggle to feel fulfilled. This lack of fulfillment can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety, a lack of ambition, and a decrease in motivation to do what he enjoys.

Improving and Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Improving and overcoming low self-esteem is a journey that requires commitment and effort. It starts with being honest with oneself. When a man admits that his lack of investment in his health and wellness negatively impacts his performance at work or the quality of his relationships, he becomes problem-aware. This awareness is the first step towards improvement.

Once a man is aware of the problem, his goal quickly becomes to create solutions and take action towards implementing those solutions. This process involves prioritizing time and effort towards the things he cares about. It's about building a relationship of integrity with oneself and not allowing oneself to tell the lies one has become accustomed to repeating.

Building confidence and self-esteem is not an overnight process. It takes time, effort, and consistency. But with each step forward, a man becomes more proud of who he is, and this pride translates into confidence.


Confidence is a powerful trait that can significantly impact a man's life. It's built on accomplishment, self-worth, and consistency. A confident man stands in a place of integrity, masters his mind, and exudes an attractive energy. However, building confidence requires effort and commitment. It involves being honest with oneself, creating solutions to problems, and taking decisive action towards improvement.

If you're a man struggling with confidence, remember that it's a journey. It's not about perfection, but progress. And with each step forward, you're becoming a better, more confident version of yourself.

If you need additional support on this journey, consider our One On One Men's Coaching. It's designed to provide personalized guidance to help you navigate your personal development journey.

For a deeper dive into building confidence and overcoming low self-esteem, check out the book "Be The Man: How to Reclaim Your Confidence & Win the War Against Mediocrity" by Joshua J. Holyfield.

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